If disability or chronic illness is part of your experience – will you share how this affects how you navigate the world and interact with others?
In my early twenties I was diagnosed with several autoimmune diseases (lupus, RA, fibromyalgia, and chronic kidney disease). Initially I followed the advice of all my providers and before I knew it I was on over two dozen medications and I didn't recognize myself in the mirror anymore. I struggled to form relationships with others, I struggled to be a good mother.  I tapped out emotionally from my marriage assuming if I was repulsed by my body and my attitude my husband must be as well. I dove into roles that left me severely depleted and depressed (but served others) because I was attempting  to prove my existence was worthy. I became more and more sick, and gained over 100lbs due to depression and meds which further plummeted me into the idea that I needed to be a worthy servant of others or my life served no purpose. In 2014 I did something I swore I never would; I tried microdosing cannabis, and it changed my life. 

I'm now a huge proponent of cannabis for those with chronic pain. Not only has it helped my body physically but emotionally I'm in such a healthier place. Instead of bitter and depressed I show up in love, acceptance, and abundance in the way I interact with myself, my family, my husband, my friends and my community.  All of this has had a positive effect on the way my chronic illness manifests both physically and emotionally.

While I still have flares that require me to have days I'm rendered incapacitated those flares used to last weeks. Where I used to be so depressed and push myself further and further into flares, cannabis has allowed so much emotional healing that I now am able to create and hold healthy boundaries. Sometimes that sounds like "I'm really sorry I can't make it to girls night. I feel my body needing extra rest, and I work really hard to avoid flares. Enjoy, and I hope to catch you next time.!" And sometimes that means I push my body to do something I know will exhaust me but plan accordingly with extra days of rest after. 

I used to spend months on end crying myself to sleep, disappointed  in what my body isn't able to do that others can. Perpetuating self hate because my body was "failing" me. Through healing I've come to understand that my body has navigated trauma my whole life, and at a certain point that unhealed trauma manifests as autoimmune diseases. And while I may never be able to "cure" myself, through cannabis, connection with others, and lots of shadow work I've come to be proud of what my body is still capable of in spite of all its been through. I have even modeled for a boudior photographer to showcase body positivity which was a huge leap for me. 

That mindset shift has allowed me to show up for myself and others in a space of love and gratitude instead of depression and depletion. With that mindset shift,  I can truly serve others while also serving myself. I can interact with my environment and others from a place of wholeness and grace without the self loathing and anger that used to propel me. 

Are you a parent?  What has parenting taught you about caring for another person or being curious about them?
One of the hardest and yet most beautiful pieces of living with chronic illness is being a mother. In 2019 our family endured a horrific trauma. It required that I step up as their advocate and protector in ways I could have never imagined and during a time where stress wrecked havoc in my body.  It meant that I put the role of their mother above any other title I valued including doula, daughter, friend,family member and wife. It required my husband to do the same. 

And in doing that something beautiful came out of such darkness. Our children felt deeply loved. They started breaking out of their shells and living in ways radically different  from what we ever witnessed.  Ways that felt undeniably true to themselves. We broke free from the mundane of everyday life and found time to sit and talk and truly listen to one another. To gain curiosity about the way we all believed, our dreams and our passions. We sat with one another in such incredible pain and rawness and found ourselves concluding the conversations feeling heard and respected instead of burdened with disconnect.

Caring for one another in such a monumental time of need was transformative. We all found that we could be open and honest with one another, no longer fearing that we had to abide by these social norms we had expected of ourselves when we tried to give the illusion of being "perfect". For a long time I did everything I could to be a "perfect" parent. I read the books, I exhausted myself trying to meet the unrealistic bars set by pinterest-perfect parenting, I hid my illness from them and my chosen medicines in fear of being judged. And in a lot of ways I look back and see how trying to play perfect prevented me from being the version of me they needed.

When I took perfectionism out of parenting I learned I could have age appropriate open and honest conversations with my children about my needs as someone with chronic illness and in return they could be open and honest with me about their needs. We began to care for one another in deeper and more genuine ways than ever before. We eliminated the need to beg or plead for that support. We leaned into the practice of caring for one another so much so that it became natural and effortless. The more I dug deep into caring for myself, I realized I showed up as the mother they needed. But I also saw the more I openly cared for myself the more I caught them doing the same. Before I knew it, all these things I used to think I needed to escape the proximity of my children to enjoy (yoga, meditation, reading quietly, alone time) I could now practice freely right at home and with boundaries they respected. And then I started noticing they would enjoy these tools with me and alone. By caring for myself openly and in front of them they saw the shift in how I am able to show up as their mother and in return that they also have the tools to care for themselves and others. And that has been so beautiful to witness through the eyes of parenthood. 

Is it difficult or easy for you to show up as yourself and be deeply “seen”?  Has it always been like this for you?
My entire journey being documented for anyone to see has definitely forced me to question how I show up as myself and what it feels like to be deeply seen by both those close to me and complete strangers. If you asked me 3 years ago if I would be openly using and educating others about cannabis (especially as a mother), that I would be brave enough about raising awareness for body positivity that I would be modeling as a plus sized boudior model, or that I would openly be sharing my struggles and triumphs of living with autoimmune disease while navigating raising children abuse survivors I would have resoundingly said "absolutely not!!!". And yet here I am, walking this path with a raw honesty I never thought myself capable of. What I've come to realize is the more I show up as myself, the less I care about the opinions of people who would rather tear me down than choose to "see" me and grow with me. I used to be paralyzed by the anxiety that one day everyone would realize I was not this perfectly happy, had it all together version of me I exhaustedly pretend to be. Now I celebrate the good days and learn from the bad, and have love for those doing the same. 

Now my circles are so much smaller and I work hard to show up as my most true self. Some days that's someone who has it together and is full of joy and connection. Other days that's someone who is really struggling and needs some space and communicates that in a healthy way. But everyday it's beautifully imperfectly me, and for that I'm really proud of my growth. My life is filled with genuine connection and people who choose to love and accept me and my family in our wholeness. 

There are still moments where the old thought processes creep in and I feel the judgement of being a mom who uses a still stigmatized form of pain relief, or the worry that there may be more judgmental comments on one of my modeling images than there is empowered, or that people may think I'm weak for sharing the challenges I face health wise or the things my family has endured.  But then I remember this isn't about pleasing everyone. Because for every person who chooses to close their minds and judge there are so many others opening their eyes to my journey and truly seeing me! My hope is that they see their own ability to heal and help others do the same through me showing up as my truest self. 

What are your experiences or relationship to your body and “body positivity”?
I grew up with a mother who yo-yo dieted her whole life. By 13 she had me adhering to a MLM "nutrition" scheme furthermore instilling the idea that my body was "too big" . While I may have had more curves than some of my classmates my size 5 body yearned for love. Struggling with autoimmune diseases and infertility in my 20s coupled with four term pregnancies and many more losses I continued on a journey of hating my body. In 2010 I did my first boudoir shoot as a gift to my soon to be deployed husband. I remember feeling so scared and ashamed during the shoot, but man when I received those images I never felt so beautiful. However I quickly fell back into self loathing. As I took care of myself less my weight continued to balloon until I convinced myself I was meant to look like a disheveled mom for the rest of my life. 

My hatred towards my body came up over and over again as I worked through years and generations of trauma. And before I realized it my young daughters were beginning to judge their own bodies or deal with classmates judging them.  This was a huge wakeup call for me. I didn't want to follow in my mother's footsteps and raise daughters who felt unloved in their own skin. But I knew I couldn't bullshit my way through teaching them body positivity. I had to walk the walk. So I started doing little things to take care of myself. I nourished and styled my curly hair instead of throwing it in a frizzy bun. I began to wear clothes the accentuated my body instead of hiding behind baggy clothing. I started incorporating  nourishing food and vitamins in my diet and committed to outdoor adventures instead of staying behind saying I needed "rest". Not only have I gained confidence in myself, but I see that shine in my daughters. One of my biggest commitments to sharing body positivity has been modeling for Lilac & Fern Photography.  Nicole strives to empower all bodies to feel celebrated, and while I was incredibly nervous it's become an amazing outlet to challenge how we define beauty. For ourselves, for our children and for a society deeply confused by what we've been conditioned to believe is desirable. 

What book(s) have influenced your ability to see connections between yourself and others or yourself and the natural world?
One of my favorite ways to grow is to listen to success stories of those who've walked similar paths or navigated similar experiences. I believe shared experiences connect us in profound ways. Right now the book Call of the Wild: How we Heal Trauma, Awaken our own Power, and Use if for Good by Kimberly Ann Johnson has really helped me as I'm ready to integrate the last few traumatic  years and use what I've been through to help others.

The book focuses on our innate ability to sense our needs and triggers at their most primal level, heal our trauma, and navigate life as healed and helpful individuals.  In working through the book I've come to understand the ways in which myself and others are acting and reacting to life based on the ways our lived experiences have shaped us. Also in ways we connect to ourselves and the world around us based on those experiences.  It has allowed me to have a better level of empathy for everyone around me and myself. Moreso, it provides solutions so I don't feel hopeless in my efforts to heal.  I'm grateful to be in a place in which I'm ready and able to do the work while also realizing others may not now or ever choose to be there and that's okay too. The exercises and insights in each chapter build upon the previous and digesting the book in pieces has helped me feel connected to healing and learning to reconnect with my environment and those around me at my own pace so I carry these lessons as learned skills and not a temporary solution.  I believe when people see you committed to healing and witness the positive changes at play it highly encourages their curiosity as well, and sharing this sense of wellbeing is something I hope we all benefit from. 

Monica Weber (she/her) is a doula turned full time budtender, cannabis educator and Ganjier in training. She enjoys helping people discover how cannabis can help manage chronic pain and mental health while empowering people to love themselves and heal their trauma. Monica lives in Fort Collins with her husband, 4 children, 2 Great Danes, 2 cats and a hamster named Kai. Monica loves to listen to and share life stories, paddleboard and explore all Colorado nature has to offer, and laugh with her friends and family. Monica agreed to take part in the Practicing Together Project because she has found connecting with others and sharing experience has been pivotal in her own healing journey and she hopes sharing with this collaboration will help others find hope, resources and connection. Her favorite way to get creative is write and art journal, a practice she became comfortable with during Crystal's Seeds of Connection group. You can connect with Monica and learn more about her work at her soon to launch blog www.cannamamamonica.com or on Instagram:  @cannamamamonica ​

​What are some things that were important to you as a small child that you can still see echoes or threads of in your life today?
A familiar value I hold with early recollection is inclusivity. While inclusivity in current discourse often relates to society and humanity at large, it often shows up most poignantly for me around specific individuals in group settings. My empathy toward outcasts and underdogs (if you will) impels my most compassionate thoughts and action. Each living being is precious and laden with value, deserving of unconditional recognition, even when it feels egoically threatening to bestow it. To see myself in the other and the other in myself allows me to more deeply feel into the love that pervades existence.

What are some things you have done in your life that you are truly proud of?
This is not quite a thing in my life I’ve done, as much as it is a thing I do (or a way I am, if you will). This is my persistent tendency to see the best in others. I am a naturally trusting person who is strongly inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt. The wonderful way that this shows up is that it’s so easy for me to feel deep, visceral love for others, even those I don’t know personally. Forgiveness has never been a struggle for me and excellent customer service can choke me up! The downside of this (other than a few incidents where folks have taken advantage of it) is the affect it has had on my self-esteem. My emphasis on the positive traits in others, coupled with a de-emphasis of my own, can result in psychological imbalances. Still, I wouldn’t trade the love this allows me to feel toward others for anything.
​
What are a few of your favorite questions to ask people you are getting to know?  Why do you like these questions?
I learned of a game called Three Questions that I love using to get to know people better, particularly during hiking trips. You ask of them the following:
1) Their favorite color and three deep reasons why.
2) Their favorite animal and three deep reasons why.
3) Their favorite form or body of water and three deep reasons why. (IE ranging from rain, ice, the ocean, the Columbia River, or a bath tub)

Prompt them to introspect, paying attention to their responses and how they say them. The secret is that every answer they give is really about something else. Their favorite color represents the truth about how they see themselves; how they view their own personality. Their favorite animal is the truth about what they want in an ideal life partner. And their favorite form or body of water is the truth about their view of their own sexuality and their attitude towards sex (and some might even argue, towards life itself)

What is your relationship to or experience with your own emotions?  Was emotional presence modeled for you when you were a child?
When in the grip of them, I typically struggle to put a finger on my emotions, yet I expect myself to be able to point at one on a feelings chart. I must say, I don’t know if I have ever actually felt any form of sadness, happiness, joy, or disgust in total isolation of one another. As I write this I realize my feelings are much more like a kaleidoscope—a dynamic menagerie of shifting shapes and colliding color. I wish our culture allowed us more grace and space to adequately acknowledge our feelings in real time. Or perhaps I should say, I wish I allowed this of myself. But writing prompts such as these are certainly a start; my participation a ripple toward greater understanding of the mysteries of the heart.

How does curiosity show up in your life?
The utter bombardment of everyday life can at times sap me of my curiosity for knowledge, new experiences, or connection. But one incredibly steadfast form of curiosity I have is the desire to deeply understand others. This often comes up during conversations where I’ll find myself probing to clarify what is being communicated, both verbally and non-verbally. I’ve heard that curiosity is actually more a function of the heart than the mind and this feels true for me—the more open my heart feels, the braver and more equipped I feel to explore reality.

​Alexandra “ACE” Eberle (she/her) is an artist, birth doula, and mediator. She enjoys relieving suffering in others, navigating them toward joy and fulfillment. Ace lives in Seattle with her partner and two cats, Jacket and Jughead. Ace loves to snowboard, ride her motorcycle, and to play tennis and the drums. Ace agreed to take part in the Practicing Together project because I want to network within the doula community. Her favorite way to get creative is through sculpting and painting, both within the oil medium. You can connect with Ace and learn more about her work at www. alexandraceberle.com or on Instagram @alexandraceberle

What does it mean to you to move toward healing?  What types of things support your healing journey?
I got a head injury in 2010 and another in 2016.  I’ve spent the last 12 years working towards healing. In the beginning of both injuries I spent so much time at the hospital working to make my brain and body get back to as normal. I’m fairly certain though that the best healing happened when I stopped pushing to be normal and just worked to find the best parts of life again. When I settled into where I was and stopped trying to be perfect, I learned how to be content and I was able to let my soul heal. I’d say my faith, my tribe, and my team were the best supports along the way. In the beginning, I was so mad at God for everything I’d been through. As time went on I found that my faith changed and deepened and became a framework for how I see the world now. My tribe, are the people that came around me when I couldn’t be there for myself. These people were my family and friends and my supports and ultimately my lifeline. My team are the professionals who taught me how to stand and to walk and to thrive again. The doctors, and nurses, and specialists who used their expertise to move me forward.

What are some of your favorite ways to fill your cup, recharge your batteries, or take care of yourself?
I love paddleboarding, x-country skiing, and playing pickleball. Moving my body just makes me smile and really charges my batteries. Being in community with friends, learning from them and celebrating life with them and sometimes crying with them too fills my cup. Taking time to pray and meditate, doing yoga in the back yard or just sitting on the back porch overlooking the garden seem to be the things that bring me back to my best self.

Do/have you worked with a coach or therapist?  What makes this work meaningful to you?
I see a therapist and I am a therapist and I’m so thankful for therapy in my life. It’s a breath of air to sit with someone who I can be 100% authentic with and not have to risk judgement for what I have to say (and I say crazy things sometimes). I always leave his office knowing I’m ok and the world is too. I learn so much about myself and I learn how to be a better human from my therapist.

What are your thoughts about consent?  How does consent show up in your work?
Everything I do as a therapist is based in consent. So many of my clients have been unable to give consent or consent was taken away from them. I get the honor of helping them find their voice and have a place to practice giving consent (or not giving consent and having that be respected). I also do animal assisted play therapy and my favorite part of the therapeutic process is in watching the consent process between the animal and the client. Animal, client and therapist can choose when/if/how to consent and that choice is always valued and honored. For instance, if Lucy (the dog) starts licking her lips and yawning (a dog stress signal) or walks away, we instantly stop the activity and move a different direction. If the client says they are done or want the dog out of the room. We instantly stop the activity and leave the dog room. And if I see unsafe behavior or just feel like something is off in the room. We end the activity and change directions. Yes means yes and no means no and both are equally valued in my line of work.

Do you have any spiritual practices that are meaningful to you?
I define spiritual as what makes your soul come alive. While religion is a spiritual practice for me, it has to be a religion that brings life to my soul and to the souls of the people around me. I also think paddle boarding is spiritual, and art is spiritual, and writing is spiritual. Sitting in the garden between the basil plant and the cherry tomato plant with some cheese and balsamic vinegar for garden tapas is spiritual. Having a deep conversation over a cup of coffee is spiritual, and talking with my clients is spiritual too. Watching the sunset, and petting an alpaca, catching snowflakes on my tongue and hiking with my family are all spiritual practices that make my soul come alive again.

Alyssa Bowman is a marriage & family therapist in Greeley, CO.  A little about her care philosophy:  My goal in counseling is to create a safe, collaborative and supportive environment for individuals, couples and families to explore strengths and challenges and to discover pathways toward positive change. I strive to meet clients where they are and help them move in directions they hope to go. I believe play is the primary language of the child and therapy with children should be done in the context of therapeutic play.

You can learn more about Alyssa here.

I've been growing dahlias for a few years now.  This year I decided to really go big and we took over our front yard (where there is soooo much sunshine!  also, who actually *needs* all that grass???) with 3 big raised beds and 60+ plants.

These dahlias have given me so much to think about this year.  

When we were planting them, it was long, hot, dirty work.  Identifying the tubers we dug up last year, sorting out the ones that didn't save well over the winter (luckily I only lost 3 or 4 due to rot or mold), moving dirt into the beds, digging holes.  There's dusty bone meal, there are slimy worms.  We were hunched over, and lifting, and getting up and down, crouching, and twisting, and generally moving our bodies in all kinds of ways that weren't comfortable and definitely were not what we are used to!

We got all those dahlia babies tucked into their dirt beds, markers identifying what was nestled in below.  It was a couple of really intense days of lots of work.  And when we were done, we got to stand back and proudly survey our work.....lovely piles of DIRT.

​So we were dirty, dusty, tired and achy and all we had to show for it was dirt, and hope.  From there, all we had was information from past experience and from guidebooks and friends - which all told us to wait and trust that these flower babies would indeed grow and bloom and add something beautiful to our yard and life.

I keep coming back to this process of planting dahlias.  It has reminded me of another season in my life of a different kind of planting, and growing, and waiting.
​
Several years ago, I found myself in a pretty  dark place.  Lots of things had shifted in my life.  Things that had been central to my identity had been lost, or changed in major ways.  I found myself wondering if I actually knew who I was anymore. I felt disconnected from myself, from my partner and family, and just generally from my life.  

I felt adrift and unmoored after a huge shift in my perspective of faith, after leaving a life of immersion in toxic religion (hello, any other exvangelicals??)  I wondered how I could find a connection to spirituality without religion.  Because of health reasons, I'd had to step away from birth doula work, which I loved and was a huge part of my identity.  I wondered how I would be of service in work that felt meaningful to me. Our family had recently moved from a very rural area to a much more urban one, and I felt disconnected from nature and from a community. I'd been diagnosed with MS for some time, but the reality of how it had physically affected me really came crashing in.  I wondered who I was now that I wasn't a fully able-bodied person any more. My big kids had grown up and were out in the world doing their thing. My "babies" were pre-teen and becoming more self-sufficient by the day.  All of it compounded until I was truly in a deep state of depression.

For those who have lived with depression, you'll know that it can really take over every part of your life - mentally, emotionally, physically.  It is hard and all consuming.

Luckily, I'm privileged to have a supportive partner and friends and good health insurance.  Therapy and medication helped a lot and brought me out of the darkest parts of that time.  But for quite a while, it felt like there were "cobwebs" of that darkness clinging to me that I just couldn't shake.  I still needed to explore my identity and who I was now that these big transitions had happened.  I'd lost many of the tools I'd previously used for coping and comfort - prayer, worship music, the easy community that can happen when you show up once a week with the same folks.  I'd lost the identities that helped me feel like I was doing good in the world - mothering a big family, doula work, a community that I volunteered in and gave to.

I had no idea where to begin to get these feelings to shift or to begin to find my way back to myself again. I decided to begin saying "yes" to anything that felt even remotely interesting or appealing.  For so long, struggling through depression, nothing had felt doable or lit a spark for me, so I thought that might be a good first step - follow my "yes", follow that spark when I felt it.

I started exploring tarot and learning how to work with tarot and oracle cards and I began to plant seeds of getting in touch with my intuition for the first time.  Toxic religion had taught me that my gut feelings my thoughts, my wants and needs were compromised by my "sinful nature" and that my own inner voice was unreliable, I should only listen to religious leaders and an extremely old (and overly translated) book.  I began to see that my intuition was right and good and that my gut feelings could be trusted.

Another spark came when I first learned about Hakomi and on a whim I signed up for a workshop.  That led to a deep dive and studying somatics and mindfulness as it relates to listening to ourself and others.  People assigned female at birth often have so many reasons to disconnect from our bodies.  Our bodies can feel unsafe because of assault or objectification, or the pressures of our cultural beauty standards.  Somatics helped me begin to see a mind-body connection that was strong and wise.  So I began planting seeds of connecting with my own body, and listening to and honoring her.

I had used art journaling in the past, but hadn't had much of a creative practice for a while.  I began to create, work in an art journal, paint and doodle - just for the fun of it.  In doing so, I frequently used tarot/oracle cards as part of my art journaling process and began to gain a lot of personal insight into what was happening for me.  Art journaling allowed me to observe my experience and find interesting connections.  It helped me plant seeds of nurturing my creativity and gaining insights into why I did some of the things I did.

Mindfulness had always been a part of the way I facilitated support groups, but I began to get curious about bringing it into my daily life.  I started do mindfulness exercises when I thought about it throughout my days and I noticed a difference in my reactivity and my ability to re-center myself when something tipped me over.  I could see that mindfulness was a small, useful, and very accessible tool to help me be with my emotions - even when they felt big.  It helped calm me when I felt like the chaos of life was going to drag me under.  And it helped me not to "check out" or turn to numbing behaviors when things got hard.  Mindfulness helped me plant seeds of being more present in my own life.

I read the book "Saved by a Poem" by Kim Rosen and it brought poetry to life in a new way for me.  I wrote my first poem when I was about 4 years old, I used to read poetry with my Nan, and those were treasured memories.  I started to memorize some of my favorite poems and I found myself reciting them at times when I previously might have found prayer helpful.  Poetry and all the beauty and wisdom it holds is a kind of scripture to me, I found it comforting and sometimes challenging or bringing new perspectives.  So much of poetry contains universal truths.  Poetry can be a conversation with someone I will never know that helps me see the world in a different way. As I continued to work with poetry - reading, writing, and memorizing it - I could feel that I was planting the seeds of a new kind of spirituality for me and a connection to something that was bigger than myself.

What does all of that have to do with dahlias?

During that season of moving myself out of the darkness of depression, I was doing all of these things.  I truly was working hard to pull myself out of those last cobwebs of that pit.  It felt like I was working hard.  I was frequently uncomfortable.  I was moving my mind and emotions into different configurations that were not familiar to me.  I was trying new things and pulling out old ones - sorting through to get rid of the tools that no longer were viable for me, to find the fresh ones that would sprout and help me grow.

Every so often, I'd have a flash of understanding exactly *how much* work I was doing.  I'd "stand back" and give my life a look, expecting to be so proud of all I was doing, but honestly there wasn't a lot of growth yet.  I'd planted lots and lots of seeds, but my body-mind-soul still felt a bit like I was just surveying a big ol' patch of dirt.  I would wonder when things in my life would feel more bright and colorful.  Just about the only thing I could do was to lean into the things friends and teachers told me - it would get better, things would bloom - just have patience and keep watering all the things I'd planted.

Watering a dirt patch over and over and just hoping that they are right is not an easy task when it comes to dahlias or personal growth and healing.  It's dirty and muddy and there are worms crawling in it and you *know* that you've put a whole bunch of work in, but you are still just looking at dirt.  It takes hope and commitment and trust that the process WILL work.  I learned that community makes planting seeds and being patient easier - knowing that others are a little further along or have walked the same path is incredibly encouraging. I was lucky to have a community of people who kept showing up for me on the regular, kept reflecting back to me the work they were seeing, and kept reminding me that I would indeed bloom again.

Spoiler alert:  I did.

Those seeds I planted led to deeper connections to myself and my identity. I began to see more clearly who I was in this world again.  Those seeds bore the fruit of deeper connection to the natural world and community, to my body, my intuition.  Those seeds helped me nurture a connection to something bigger than myself outside of religion, and helped me see that I was a whole, wise, capable and creative human.  And eventually, those seeds began to coalesce into meaningful work I could offer the world through Seeds of Connection.

So my dahlias are beginning to bloom and I'm thinking back to early summer when my back was achy and my fingernails were caked with grime, and all I could see out my front window were piles of dirt.  But I believed in my work and I trusted the process.  It leads me to thinking of that season many years ago, where I was doing new things that weren't always comfortable, and I chronically felt like a hot mess. When I surveyed my personal internal "landscape", it felt like the equivalent of looking at piles of dirt.  Back then, I don't know that I truly understood what exactly I was doing or how to trust the process, but looking back, I'm so thankful I planted all of those seeds for myself.  The work of it was challenging at times, but there were sprouts, and growth and blooms eventually.

In this season, I'm looking at my dahlia patch as they are beginning to bloom and open up and I'm thankful for the hard work I put in - even when it wasn't very gratifying at first. And I'm reflecting on that time of diving in to mindfulness, somatics, poetry, art journaling, and aaaalllll the other seeds of connection & healing & growth that I'd planted and feeling so grateful to my past self for that challenging work and for sticking with it until it bloomed.

And much like dahlias, or collecting seeds from plants, that investment keeps bringing joy and color and blooms to the world, now through Seeds of Connection groups and my other work. More importantly than that, I understand myself more deeply, I feel grounded (even in the chaotic dumpster fire that life can be sometimes!), and I LIKE myself and what I bring to this world.

So have a look at these dahlia pics, maybe think about what seeds YOU might like to plant in your life.  I'm curious:  would a Seeds of Connection group help support you in your next steps toward healing and growth?  

Andrea Chebeleu, owner and artist behind A Work of Heart Studio in San Jose California, started in 1998, loves her daily creative practice and sharing knowledge of materials and process with others. She finds great joy in breaking down seemingly complicated processes into simple steps and has adopted a guiding principle of "First, Not Only" attitude which she passes on to every student.  The attitude of "first, not only" gives us permission to playfully explore without fear.  Pre-covid times Andrea taught in her studio in San Jose and ran the adjacent art supply shop full time.  The shop is still open but many classes are currently happening via zoom which makes taking awesome classes even more accessible to students worldwide.  Andrea is a mom to 3 grown children and a wife to an engineer husband who loves to indulge her in the latest tech gadgets the latest being a laser cutter and 3-d printer on which they design one of a kind custom products to include in class kits.  When not focusing on art and the business Andrea enjoys fostering kittens for her local county and takes pride in placing each and every furry baby in loving homes.  Check out Andrea's website: www.aworkofheart.com or find her on Instagram: @aworkofheartstudio

What are some things that were important to you as a small child that you can still see echoes or threads of in your life today?
I see so many threads of my younger self in my life today. I have always considered myself and activist, having started animal-rights clubs as a kid, raising money to donate to different organizations. Even though I no longer am leading my own justice groups, I still participate and donate to many rights organizations. I am also an artists, through and through. I have always been a painter. I think this one is quite common. Kids are encouraged to do arts and crafts. We lose that somewhere along the way. I never gave it up. I've always been obsessed with crafty things and continue to pursue an art practice today. I paint and do mixed media on canvas and paint large murals. A quieter thread is my introverted nature and the need for alone time to rejuvenate myself.

Were aspects of your identity celebrated or suppressed throughout your life? How did this affect you?
My parents are the most diplomatic loving people I have ever met in my life. Their kindness and compassion extends beyond our immediate family. I know with every ounce of certainty in my being that I was born into a very special situation. I feel lucky to have the parents I have. I am definitely the person I am today because of them. I'm a very sensitive person and I think that if I were in a family that squashed my feelings and desire for unique expression I would have ended up very different.

What are some things you have done in your life that you are truly proud of?
I've traveled a lot, stayed true to my creative nature, and pursued the opportunities I've been most interested in. One specific adventure that I am super proud of is my cross country bicycle trip with my older sister in 2008. We cycled from our apartment in NYC to our brothers house in Seattle. It was awesome.  I went to art school, dropped out, graduated with a degree in art & environmental studies 6 years later. I am also super proud of the murals I have painted and putting myself out there as a painter. I continue to be committed to building my coaching practice and there have been many milestones along the way that I have enjoyed.

What are a few of your favorite questions to ask people you are getting to know?  Why do you like these questions?
I love finding out where people are from in the world and where they have lived. Getting peoples travel stories. How did you come to Denver or X location? How do you know X person? What are you working on right now (just in your life)? I actually really love speed networking events because I feel like you get these glimpses into peoples life for a few minutes and then get a little taste of everyone. The speed aspect allows you to jump straight into a fun facts about you scenario and go down whichever little path pops up first. Icebreakers are always a litlte tough and awkward - giving out compliments is an easy and nice way to reach out to someone.

Are you a parent?  What has parenting taught you about caring for another person or being curious about them?
I am a parent and it is shifting everything. Taking care of little people and people in general is super hard (for me). I feel that it is a deeply undervalued and under recognized thing in the USA. I feel like my ignorance is coming into full view… that I actually know nothing and finding out news ways that I know nothing every day. What I do know is that every single humans needs the love, attention, and care from another human. And we are deeply lacking that across the world. There are too many people who are not getting the love and attention that they need. How will we change this? How will be do better for our own families? 

Lara is a certified professional coach specializing in regret and life design. Lara is certified through iPEC and the Designing Your Life methodology through Stanford University.  She has a bachelor’s degree from Western Washington University and also studied painting at Parsons School of Design. Lara’s education and background as an artist fuel her excitement for supporting people who are asking "what's next?" (professionally or personally) and helping them to design their own good life path.  Check out Lara's website: www.larabuelow.com, or connect with her on Instagram: @larabuelow

​Lara lives with her husband, two daughters, and dog in Denver, CO. She is an enthusiastic creator and a self proclaimed self help junkie.